She Knows It’s To Late As You’re Walking Away written December 8, 2008

This has been a season of change and turmoil, which is one of the reasons that I’ve been a bit absent as a blogger. I didn’t—and still don’t—quite know how to explain how my world his being reshaped around me. I know I’m making this more melodramatic than it ultimately is, but it really does feel like everything is crashing down about my ankles, with something unknown emerging from the rubble.

The crashing down bit refers to the departure of the T-15s. In Mary, it was ultimately 3 out of an original 7 that managed to close their service. This means they were successful in their 2-year bid. For me, the 15s were this combination of friends, teachers, leaders, and gods. By the time we arrived at site, they had it down. They could find the post office, the cheapest beer, and a taxi to the airport at 4 am. Over this past year, some of the stardust and glamour has worn off as I have become more ept at being in Turkmenistan, but my admiration and awe at them has grown. Dave, Jess, and Mo were just amazing. Now, they are gone. They left in the first week of December, and I’m left with this strange combination of emotions. I am so proud that they made it, but despondent at their departure. I am happy for their futures, but jealous that I’m not there with them. Saying goodbye is part of this experience, but that doesn’t make it an easy one.

As far as emerging from the rubble, the new volunteers (the T-17s) have arrived at site. In Mary, there are 7 fresh-faced teachers—3 health and 4 English, 3 girls and 4 boys. They arrived at site yesterday. I wish them all the best, but I can’t help being apprehensive at the new dynamics that they will bring. The 16s in Mary have bonded during the past year. We may not be the best of friends always, but we fit in this comfortable, familiar way. New people may change that. I don’t doubt that this change will ultimately be for the better, but change—regardless—makes my stomach hurt.

So to the 15s when and if you read Turkmen blogs—you are sorely missed. No body can replace you, and I hope that only great things are happening right now. You deserve them all. To the 17s, who may have time and money to waste at the internet café, welcome. I really am excited to get to know you guys, and despite my irrational nervousness and fear of the unknown, I think this year will be great in large part due to you.