I’m Going To Write You A Letter written May 27, 2008

Mail racing is an endurance sport, much a long the lines of a decathlon or a spelling bee (It’s aired on ESPN; it qualifies). It crosses continents, yet at the same time, seems impervious to the logical dictates of distance. For example, a letter from Afghanistan (4 hours south) takes between 10 days and 2 weeks to arrive. The same is true of a letter from Kenya, South Africa, Italy, and America. A letter from Dashoguz Welyat in Turkmenistan can arrive in as few as 2 days or as many as 2 months. At the moment, Nigeria is still in the lead of the international mail races. The
8 day is hard to beat, and it makes me wonder what scam the Nigerians could possibly be running in Turkmenistan. America and Afghanistan are tied for 2nd place with 10 days, although the American 10 day was a package. It is worth some brownie points that way.

In a side event, I ran a trial to see if Via Istanbul was really faster than Via Moscow. We were told that sending letters with Via Istanbul written under the airmail would make the letters travel faster. I send two letters on the same day to two friends sharing an apartment. Imagine my surprise when both letters arrived on the same day! I doubt that would have happened had I sent them both via Istanbul or Via Moscow. So, at least for me, writing Via Istanbul seems a bit irrelevant, but I will continue to do so. First, it’s only been one test; that could have been a fluke. And second, I like writing Via Istanbul on my letters. I even do it on the domestic stuff. Via Istanbul sounds like a sticker you see on a steamer trunk about to depart on the Orient Express; even Via Moscow has a Siberian gulag sort of charm about it.

Finally, in a sweet victory of me over the world, I got a package from Africa. So far letters have been making their way here, but the packages got lost in the mysterious byways and highways of international parcels. It arrived a bit battered and bruised, with torn corners and a missing customs declaration, but I am now the owner of new Woolies tanks (vests as they say in RSA) and a Hello! Magazine because I somehow fell behind in my peerage gossip. (Lord Jones is dead…when was he alive?!?!) THANK YOU MOMMY!

So loyal readers and letter writers who read this, keep writing. Letters, post cards, and the occasional package keep me sane and connected. I decorate my walls with the owadan (beautiful) things you send to me. Also, Brock Kramer is currently the (mail) MAN!